How to tell if you're
dating a superhero....
Ah, superheros. Those steel-jawed costumed crime fighters who roam the streets at night, righting wrongs and bringing evildoers to justice.
Everyone loves a superhero.
But do you suspect that you love a superhero? Is your guy showing signs of superheroism? This handy guide will show you how to evaluate your guy to see if maybe, just maybe, your guy is a superhero.
9. He owns more spandex than you do.
Your typical superhero has an, ahem, interesting wardrobe. (But not more interesting than your typical superheroine's...) It consists of skin-tight spandex, bullet-resistant armor, and massive belts that would give any normal man plumber's butt.
But part of his superpowers is to take things that look like the deflated inner tube on the hanger and fill them out in just the right way.
Watch out, though. If his thigh-high boots have more than a one-inch heel, you might want to re-think the relationship.
8. The cape
Ah, no one can wear a cape like a superhero. Unless it's a supervillain. Or a Dark Lord of the Sith. You might want to watch that one.
7. He puts the 'cave' in 'mancave'
Superman has his fortress of solitude. Batman has the Batcave. Iron Man's garage holds more than just cars, it's furnished with robots that weld things he couldn't be bothered to.
Your superhero's secret lair is his castle. I know that every impulse will be to jump in and air the place out, do some feng shui, and to add some nice accessories.
Resist this urge.
Your superhero's mancave isn't something you shouldn't mess with, no matter how much you want to. Leave it alone. It's the one spot where his alter ego and his secret identity truly co-exist. Sure, it might need some more southern exposure, but if he likes it the way it is, well, that's less work for you, really.
6. He names his computer.
Cerebro, J.A.R.V.I.S., Braniac. If your boyfriend's computer has a cool or scary name, and seems incredibly powerful, with the possible end-game of becoming sentient, then you might be dating a superhero. Of course, you might also be dating a huge nerd. One or the other.
5. The muscles
Your typical superhero has enormous muscles. Because he wouldn't actually be all that super without them, would he?
4. He disappears in a crisis
If your guy continually goes missing in a crisis, you might find yourself mumbling to yourself, "What a jerk! Just once, I'd love for Joey to stick around when an insane evil doctor shows up and starts shrinking everything in sight with his Shrink-o-Matic."
But if your guy goes away just when the superhero of your dreams shows up, you might want to rethink your position. Joey sticking around might mean the end of the world as you know it. Before you give him a piece of your mind, ask yourself if you've ever seen him and the superhero in the same room.
That said, just because your guy leaves at the first sign of danger doesn't mean that he is a superhero. He might just be a jerk who runs away.
3. He looks like a superhero
Now, you might think this one is a no-brainer, but look at all the intelligent women who have been fooled! Vicky Vail, Lois Lane, Mary Jane Watson—none of these women were dumb. Yet, they totally missed connecting the alter ego with the secret identity.
So, if you suspect you might be dating a superhero, take off his glasses, ladies. Mess up his hair a bit. Pull off that tie. It's for RESEARCH!
2. You keep getting kidnapped by supervillains
If you find yourself tied to chairs and suspended over pools of acid a lot, there might just be a reason. And no, that reason is not the nerdy, glasses-wearing office jockey that has a crush on you. It's his mighty, evil-avenging, over-protective secret identity.
My suggestion? Take some Krav Maga.
1. His one weakness
I'm not talking about a peanut allergy here. Boy has one big issue. Maybe his head is only a flaming skull between 9pm and 6am. Maybe the ring with the green rock in it that you got from a secret admirer will drain all his powers. Maybe he only has power over the color puce.
Look for one thing that turns him into a complete wimp, that puts him on a level with the rest of us.
If you get lucky, that weakness will be something you can exploit to get him to take out the garbage.
Based on this list, do you suspect your guy is a superhero? Well, I have good and bad news for you. The bad news is that your life is about to take a turn for the weird and dangerous.
Don't kid yourself. Dating a caped crusader is perilous.
There will be villains out to crush your guy any way they can. Worst case scenario, they'll try to get to him through you. Consider boning up on your self-defense techniques, and maybe taking a firearms class or two. You wouldn't want to get caught not knowing how to turn the safety off.
Even if they don't target you specifically, you might just get caught in the crossfire. Fists, bullets, arrows, and even energy pulses might be flying everywhere.
The villains aren't your only problem. Your guy's superhero friends might be just as dangerous. You'll be hanging around with other superheroes who might, say, turn green and smash things just because you say something like "Hey, I was watching that." They might suck the life force out of you if you touch them the wrong way. And there might be a superheroine who wants him for his hot bod and his mutant DNA.
But don’t let any of that get in your way. Here's the good news.
Survive these perils, and you'll earn yourself a guy who can move heaven and earth to win your heart. Literally. You might spend some days and nights alone, while he's off saving the world. On the other hand, when he is around, you can take advantage of his super stamina.
Want to be entered to win a digital copy of Teresa Wilde's Strange Academy(http://amzn.to/Q5SNKg), a paranormal romance set at a school for superheroes? In the comments, tell us who your superhero boyfriend/girlfriend would be, and why!
Make sure to include your EMAIL address (or you won't get a copy) and your PREFERRED DIGITAL FORMAT (or you will get a PDF).
Every person who comments will get a free digital copy of Handcuffed to the Sheikh (http://amzn.to/PHcQ3N), by Teresa Wilde, writing as Teresa Morgan.
Strange Academy (http://amzn.to/Q5SNKg)
By Teresa Wilde
"I love this book. If Jane Ann Krentz and Harry Potter made a baby, it would be this book." U.S.A. Today Bestselling Author, Sharon Page
For fans of Katie MacAlister, Julie Kenner, and MaryJanice Davidson, a funny, sexy paranormal romance set at a school for superheroes.
Determined to uncover the secret behind her eccentric aunt's mysterious death, Sadie Strange, a quirky substitute teacher with a Master’s degree in comic book superheroes, takes a job at isolated private school Strange Academy. Her biggest obstacle? Haughty hottie Lorde Gray, the chemistry teacher who looks down his Roman nose at her as he tries to get her fired.
Undercover demon hunter Gray vows to use his spell-brewing powers to protect Strange Academy's true purpose—educating extraordinary children with paranormal gifts. If the world knew that the school's extraordinary children have paranormal gifts, it would start a war that would destroy humanity. Gray won't let a feisty mortal threaten that, no matter how much she swishes her heart-shaped ass.
When fate throws them together, strange allies Sadie and Gray seek to uncover the hidden forces behind her aunt's death before they destroy Sadie—and the school. But when the demon hunter forbidden from associating with mortals and the mortal woman who can't trust her own judgment around alpha males find themselves falling for each other, love is going to get a little strange...
Sadie Strange answered the door fresh from the shower, still tying the belt of her black kimono. Her dark hair dripped over her shoulders, dampening her robe almost to her breasts. Her red-painted toenails looked like cinnamon heart candies in her slippers.
Cinnamon heart candies? Damn, Gray thought. He really needed to get laid.
"Does this usually work for you?" A sneer tinged her voice, turning it caustic.
When he looked up from her breasts, he saw the contempt on her pink lips. "What?" When had Nons started speaking another language?
"Yeah. Definitely does. This—" She waved a hand at his chest. "—gets you whatever you want from women. You just walk up, ring a bell and they salivate."
And it all became clear. She actually intended to fight him. He smiled inside. There was only one thing he liked better than an easy fix.
"But you feel nothing," he said.
"I feel something, Gray. Nauseous. I know everything, by the way."
A millisecond of panic. Then his hunter's calm clicked on. He looked her in the eye while his right hand slipped inside his charcoal gray sports jacket and fingered the finger-slim vial in the secret pocket above his heart. Not a love potion. Something more permanent.
"Please be a bit more specific about this ‘everything’ you know," he said.
"I know you don't want me here. No one’s watching, so turn off the fake charm before I lose my dinner."
He relaxed and took his hand from his pocket. No desperate measures. For now. "I told Cross that stuff in confidence."
"A secret is something you don't yell at the top of your lungs. The entire academy probably heard it."
He followed as she walked into Pippa’s small kitchen, though he doubted she was going to open a bottle of wine. The damp robe clung to the upside-down heart of her backside.
"I don't yell." When he got mad, he spoke lower than usual. But his heart pounded in his chest, just like now. That's how he knew he was pissed at her, not turned on by the way her slim waist twisted when she put the kettle on the ancient gas stove.
"'I don't care if her aunt was Pippa Strange. She's not one of us. She won't fit into the environment.'" She mimicked his voice's manly timbre.
How had she heard that? He stiffened, feeling enclosed by the tight kitchen. And her in it.
"You don't want me here, so you move into Strange Hall. What's the point? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?"
"And your lover handcuffed to the bedpost," he added.
Buy Strange Academy (http://amzn.to/Q5SNKg)
Teresa Wilde wrote her first novel in twelfth grade—a craptastic plot-hole-ridden mystery she wrote after reading too much Agatha Christie.
She wrote her second novel in creative writing class in university. It was a YA about a bridesmaid. Everyone else in the group tried to write serial killer novels. She was the only one who finished the assignment. She got a 95.
After that, she forgot she was a writer for a while and remembered again later. Writing has taken her some amazing places, including Montréal, Ecuador and Regency England.
Strange Academy is her third first novel.
To check out Teresa Wilde's other books, go to teresawilde.com, and for Teresa Morgan's sheikh romances, see teresamorganauthor.com.
Please visit us again tomorrow for our review of Strange Academy!